One random day towards the end of 2012 I am hitting rock bottom. I can feel that both my body and soul are giving up. Self-loathing and self-hatred dominates my life.
“How am I such a massive loser, that I can’t even stop eating?” and “How weak am I, that I can’t lose weight or maintain it?”
Stupid, weak, wrong and fat.
I think about food, fantasize about food, plan according to where and what I can eat.
Anxiety often engulfs my evenings and nights.
I dream about the love that is nowhere to be found in my relationship, or within myself. I dream about a life that isn’t mine. About experiencing joy again… the lightness of life. And in every version of my dreams, I start by becoming skinny. My body is slim, fit and athletic. I fantasize about feeling beautiful, admired and desired. About being someone – anybody – instead of nothing and “nobody”.
That day in 2012 I can suddenly see that I’ve come to the end of this road. I’m living in death, not in life.
All of my choices, the structure of my daily life, my surroundings are based on a version of me that keeps fighting. Fighting to live. Fighting to find my own place in the world. Do I really deserve it? Fighting for love and acceptance.
Because I’m certainly not good enough (I know that!).
I see that I can’t properly take care of myself in how I relate to myself and other people. Romantic relationships. Friendships. Professional relationships. It’s all F’ed up.
I continuously rummage around in the concoction of a devastating sense of inferiority and total superiority. I am constantly trying to “figure out” what is really going on.
Action, action, action. This is my pattern. External solutions.
New diet. New project. Paint the apartment. New trainer. New job. New partner. Only periodically replaced with complete apathy, where I do nothing other than eat. Plan what to eat. Buy what to eat. Cook what to eat. And eat. And eat some more.
Then hide it all. All the shit. And be ashamed. And hate myself.
…And did I mention that I’m a mother?
(Insert guilt, shame and anxiety in the appropriate amount here…)
I weigh 270 pounds and my body is hating me as much as I’m hating it. I’ve known my entire life that food played a special part in my story.
It was my consolation and my reward, my punishment and my shame. It was the dessert I would hum at and the salad I cursed.
Food was my worst enemy and my best friend and only on this day in 2012, at the age of 39, I finally decided that enough is enough.
The end of silencing my problems. The end of being an emotional and physical slave to my eating patterns and my weight.
I choose to get treatment for emotional eating in an addiction treatment centre. In order to save my life, both physically, emotionally and spiritually: To live… instead of just surviving.
To lose weight. To get rid of the constant pain. To crack the code that will set me free from the food prison I have become trapped in.
And I begin my journey towards freedom and happiness.
There is no diet, exercise regime, surgery, therapy or treatment that I haven’t exposed my body and soul to. Primarily as a means of losing weight, but it could easily have been about something else.
Because emotional eaters are not always overweight.
At one point in my life I developed some strong survival strategies. In my case as a child. Subconscious tools to cope with what life threw my way. They became more and more dominant throughout my adulthood.
One of the consequences was, among other things, that I wasn’t connected within myself. Neither emotionally or physically.
Often I (subconsciously) crossed my own and other’s boundaries. Because I couldn’t feel them.
I actually thought that I was pretty emotionally mature, articulate, and able to handle anything, and I was sincerely surprised as I realized that it was quite the opposite.
I couldn’t sense my inner life. Only the symptoms of my internal condition. And they were NOT pleasant.
I didn’t think that anyone understood me. (And I didn’t actually understand myself). I didn’t think that anyone else felt the way I did. And the intense shame that I felt about my food abuse efficiently ensured that I kept my mouth shut.
Once my decision was made and I’m in treatment, I decide to open my mouth, courageously and honestly — not to eat — but to share and discover in disbelief that I’m surrounded by acceptance. By understanding. By recognition. And by love.
I “upgrade” and train Helene in a new way to live. A way that’s wonderful. Filled with joy. And emotions. A new way to live that doesn’t require emotional eating as a survival strategy. I discover that I have choice. And I choose to be willing and honest and brave!
Emotionally eating to soothe anxiety, consuming loneliness, self pity, a lack of impulse control and codependency results in… Guess what?
More anxiety, loneliness, self pity, lack of impulse control and codependency.
It’s fundamentally about changing your patterns, to ensure that everything happens from inside out and not the other way around.
My entire life I’ve desperately tried to make other people responsible for MY recovery. Family. Partners. Coaches. Doctors. Weight-loss experts. Psychologists.
Looking for external solutions outside of myself had to end ONCE AND FOR ALL.
My break-through occurs as a process, not a moment – as I go through the exercises and the treatment tools (that I will share with you), reestablish and restore the contact and connection with my inner self.
Because when I’m in contact with myself, my emotions, my vulnerability, my body, my boundaries and my needs, it’s unsurprisingly DAMN hard to continue to damage myself.
Because now I can actually FEEL it.
This is the road I took, which saved my life.
When I let go of my old patterns and willingly stepped into my new self – miracles happened.
I ended up with a stable weight loss of 130 lbs.
My physical appearance is changed completely. My body is grateful. My soul flourishes and I wake up with feelings of deep, deep gratitude.
I wake up to the life that’s been expecting me.
I throw my scale away. I buy clothes in “regular” stores. I put on my bikini with a big smile. I moisturize my body with lotion as I step out of the shower, to show it how grateful I am for all of the years it has persevered and carried me – all of the years where I’ve hated and tortured it. I fucking love it. I really do.
Love from others accompanies my self-love and the man of my dreams appears in my life. And for the first time, ever, I experience how a romantic relationship can be beautiful. Without anxiety, without control, without deceit and self-deception. He accepts me, contains me and adds joy, respect and love to my life every day.
And I, too, give that to myself and to my loved ones.
Now, this is where it gets even more interesting for you: Based on my lifelong battle and experience with emotional eating (alongside my knowledge from studying psychology, recovery coaching and addiction treatment) I went on to develop a 5-step method to treat emotional eating. This method has turned out to be somewhat revolutionary in this field, as very few people work in this way.
The results are overwhelming.
Lasting weight loss. Emotional freedom. Love. Physical and mental healthiness.
It is my mission that all of those that struggle with emotional eating know that it’s possible to get a fantastic life without compulsive eating and hating your body.
The first step is to recognize that:
* you emotionally eat.
* you don’t want to spend the rest of your life being a slave to food.
* emotional eating is stronger than your willpower.
* you need to upgrade your tools in order to move forward. There is no need to prove to yourself that diets don’t work for you. You already know that.
* you need help to get rid of your problem.
These may sound like obvious points to make, but they’re definitely not!
For an emotional eater it’s a massive step to go through these five first stages, before we even begin asking for help or reaching out to find support.
The next step is individual.
Some need to share their life’s secret with family and friends and be supported by them before moving on. Others need to talk with like-minded people, meaning other people with eating disorders.
Some decide to participate in a course, go to OA meeting (Overeaters Anonymous), to workshops or begin therapy.
Here’s a list with important advice for living in freedom!
Take an honest look at whether you’re an excessive user, abuser or if you’ve become addicted to food. (Read more about the distinctions between the three above).
Consider whether you are most interested in 1-on-1 conversations, online courses or a workshop.
Find a treatment specialist who:
* is certified in both psychology or psycho-therapy and addiction therapy.
* Has been through it herself.
* Has been abstinent for at least 3 years.
* Has maintained a stable weight for at least 3 years.
* Shows good results in their choice of treatment program.
* Find a therapist whose communication style you’re comfortable with, odds are you will be far more compatible because of it.
And most IMPORTANT of all remember…
If I can do it – you can too! Don’t give up, you’re not alone.
Light & Love
Curiousity might save the kitten on this one Darling – so come take a look and see if this might be a good fit for you.
This is where the magic happens!
Now, I know you’ve worked hard. You’ve probably made sacrifices in your life that most people can’t even imagine in the name of food control and weight loss. And you’re motivated to look and feel great.
But between the conflicting information, misinformation, and downright untruths being told about weight loss and emotional eating – where would you even start?
I have the answer to that.
RIGHT HERE. This is where you start. Together – we get the job done and you will learn why it never worked before!
If you have repeatedly struggled with control over food and have been battling your weight – then you’ve come to the right place!
Take a look at the role food plays in your life
– I have a developed a quiz just for that.
We can not change what we can not see.
What is emotional eating really about?
Get curious and read a little about the facts behind the eating.
Here is my in depth guide – where I share my unique knowledge and experience alongside facts from the best researchers and scientists in the field of Emotional Eating.
My programs are designed to give you all the tools you need to create a healthy, loving and happy future.
They will change the way you experience life.
If you’re looking to make leaps in terms of self-love and have dreams of weight loss – then come on in ♥
French Language School, L’Institut de Tourraine, Tours, France.
Accelerated intensive High School, Statens HF, Frederiksberg, Denmark
Travel Agent Academy, Rejsebureauskolen, Copenhagen, Denmark.
HR management Diploma, Niels Brock Akademi Merkonom, Copenhagen, Denmark.
Psychology, Department of Science, University of Birmingham, England.
Online & Social Media Marketing Management, Bigum & Co., Copenhagen, Denmark.
CARE, Courses on Addiction & Recovery Education, Med-U and Hazelden Betty Ford foundation, USA.